the final closure

So there is a girl who has offered more than enough love that he’d allowed himself to be swept carelessly away… I wished to talk to her and know her in person, but what’s the point? I know it will kill me seeing the person who stole him away from me. The way it goes, it seemed like he is terribly in love with that girl and then I realized that if I do have the same love, or if mine was more than she could offer, I think I needed to let him go because that will make him happier..

I never realized, although I suspected that there is this third person… I learned that they had been together for over 3 months, it was finally the girl who sent me a SMS the other day using his phone to make me realize that she really does exist and that I’ve no right to bother them again. I called to confirm and I heard the girl’s voice… its like I’m allowing a person to stab me at my heart and I submitted to pain and savor the piercing and excruciating injury…

Suddenly it became clear why he was behaving differently in the past few months… Should I hate him because he finally found someone just right for him? I know I could not offer him everything especially his need for heterosexual longings…

Ate Warly, (the mother of his best friend, John) tried to convince both of us to talk to each other just so we can move on without hating each other…. Although I know that it is not the point why we had to, since no matter how I would try to find ways to hate him, I couldn’t. I love him just intensely as I have loved him before. I love him all the time and I still love him desperately until now…

My mind seems to conspire with my heart sometimes to make certain effort to fight for this relationship. I know the people around me keeps on reminding me there’s certainly no more reason to keep this relationship intact.

He had decided to end this firmly without any second thoughts, he was certainly definite when he uttered his words of goodbye. He had said some painful words I never thought he could say. I’d wished I never have to hear his harsh words, but I would agree later that it helped having heard the painful truth he had been keeping to himself, because I knew it will aid for my moving on… but just like what I said earlier it will not take away all my love for him.

My heart is certainly stubborn. Perhaps I am a little bit masochistic, only that there is no apparent pleasure in having realized that I am ultimately being abandoned by the very person I wanted to keep forever…